FORMULA OF PEACE.HOW TO RESOLVING CONFLICTS MATURELY?

What is all the conflict about?
1. We don’t realize that in our environment there are juniors, equals and seniors
2. We don’t know how to communicate with each of these categories of people.

This most often manifests itself in conflict with parents. Let’s consider this example:

A mother teaches her adult daughter how to live, persuades her to find a normal husband / go to work as a postwoman / eat like all normal people (underline as appropriate).
My daughter has been living alone for a long time and supporting herself.

On the one hand, she loves her mother and is used to following her advice—it made her life easier before she gained independence. So she feels a sense of obligation to her mother. On the other hand, the daughter doesn’t understand why she should model her life after someone else’s; she feels pressure and a desire to distance herself.

What should the daughter do? Which position should she choose?
1. The first extreme is to revert to the position of being the younger (dependent) child. Bend to Mom’s opinion and force yourself to live by her model.
2. The second extreme is to choose an equal (independent) position: butt heads with your mother, for every argument she makes, bring up 3 of your own, sort things out, or completely distance yourself from your mother, shut her up, and not pick up the phone.
3. The balance is to take the senior (interdependent) position, that is, to react maturely.

Maturity doesn’t mean lecturing your mother about life (that’s an equal position, after all!). You can’t make your mother feel less mature. Maturity is an extremely subtle, delicate, and thoughtful approach. Since you’re so mature and see the bigger picture than your mother, you should figure out how to structure the dialogue so that “both the wolves are fed and the sheep are safe”—that’s finding a win-win situation.

The daughter, as more mature (in this situation), should find an individual approach:
– On the one hand, she needs to distance herself enough so that her mother’s “philosophy” doesn’t ruin her personal life.
– On the other hand, continue to communicate with your mother in such a way that she feels respect for herself and her ideas and is not rejected.

If her daughter consistently demonstrates a mature stance over several months or years, the mother will sooner or later accept her daughter’s situation, opinion, and lifestyle. Note that this doesn’t necessarily mean the mother will mature. But if she learns to value her daughter’s freedom, it will bring her closer to independence.

NOW ABOUT WHO ARE JUNIOR, EQUAL, SENIORS AND WHAT IS MATURITY
1. The younger (dependent) is the one who is cared for. The one who is treated with leniency. Since he lacks sufficient maturity, the younger can and should be helped to live.
2. An equal (independent) is someone who doesn’t need care, but can give or ask for it as needed. This is an equal, friendly exchange that preserves one’s own freedom.
3. The elder (interdependent) is the one who cares. Someone who is lenient because they have sufficient maturity. The elder does not need care, but they may ask for help.

Maturity is the understanding that you shouldn’t violate someone else’s freedom or impose your way of life on them. Except for those for whose lives you are directly responsible. A mature person has already passed the stage of dependence and independence, and therefore knows that there’s no need to intrude into others’ lives. They value freedom—their own and that of others.

A mature person won’t lecture someone who considers themselves an elder or equal. They are mature, and therefore lenient and courteous. They are able to distinguish a truly mature person from a dependent one who merely feigns maturity.

That’s just the way the world works: the more mature you are, the more responsibility you bear. So figure it out, consider all the nuances, navigate, and look for a reasonable solution. And once you’ve found one, you still have to try to present it and arrange it in such a way that the person will like it and accept your teachings!