WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT IN A COUPLE: MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING OR INTEREST?

What’s more important for building a long-term relationship—good mutual understanding or mutual interest? What should you do if you’ve known each other well for a long time, but you’re no longer interested in the other person? Things are bad together, and it’s a shame to break up…

Mutual understanding alone isn’t enough. You can even understand your socionic conflictor if you’ve lived with them for 10 years. But will you want to continue the relationship?

By mastering socionics and understanding people, you can learn to understand anyone. But it’s not our sociotype that determines our happiness in a relationship, but… our interest. Are we interesting to each other as individuals? Simply put, are we happy together?

Well, we can learn to understand everyone. That’s the point of psychology—to learn to understand.
A good psychologist can overcome the barrier of misunderstanding with anyone. But will they, as individuals, want to build relationships with everyone they understand? They’ll likely choose their inner circle and a partner based on other criteria.

We consider a person’s interestingness to be a more significant factor than understanding. But understanding is still very important, too. Because we’re more likely to love what we understand.
On the one hand: why maintain interesting but unclear relationships?
On the other hand: why maintain uninteresting but understandable relationships?

What is more important: building a relationship with an interesting person, or with someone with whom you understand more?

Из-за того, что Понимание не прибавляет в отношениях Интересности (красок, жизни), а Интересность не прибавляет Понимания (эмпатии, чувства неодиночества) – это две одинаково важные параллели. Людям нужны Интересные и Понятные отношения. Это баланс.

Имея терпение, Понять можно кого угодно. Но Интересность человека никак не усилишь. Вам либо интересно (хорошо, ярко, насыщенно, осмысленно) вместе, либо нет. Понимание – развиваемая штука. Интересность – неразвиваемая штука.

В итоге, соционика может научить нас Понимать всех – и дуалов, и конфликтёров. А Интересно нам может быть только со своими людьми. Да, зачастую, нам Интересно с людьми своей квадры. Но Интересность измеряется теми показателями, которые соционика измерить не способна.

Интересность – это вагон факторов. От запаха тела человека, до его интеллекта, желания развиваться, интересов, хобби, целей и жизненной миссии. И тут уж либо влечёт, либо не влечёт.

And when we temporarily lose interest in someone, understanding helps us overcome difficult times. And when we lose understanding, it is interest that helps us regain it.

Understanding is achieved when you master the other person’s thinking process. It’s simple, it’s mechanics. Even without socionics, you can reach understanding with anyone if you communicate long and fruitfully.

Ultimately, socionics tells us: understanding is greatest among people of the same element (quadra). But with patient study of psychotypes, it can be achieved with anyone. Interest often also arises within one’s own quadra. But interest in a person doesn’t depend directly on their sociotype—it either comes or doesn’t, regardless of our efforts.

For those of you who know about socionics, here’s a question for you: would Yesenin be more interested in Stirlitz, who, like Yesenin, enjoys a healthy lifestyle? Or would Yesenin be more interested in Zhukov, who enjoys drinking?

He’ll understand things better than Zhukov. And it might be more interesting with Stirlitz. And no matter what, it’s unlikely that anyone will be interested in that hapless Zhukov. But as for understanding, it might gradually grow with Stirlitz.

CONCLUSIONS
Ultimately, I believe that Interest is a more important factor in relationships than Understanding. Because Interest in a person cannot be controlled. But the ability to Understand people can be developed.

I would rank their importance approximately as follows:
– Interest: 60%
– Understanding: 40%

If you’re in the process of choosing a partner, socionics is still relevant. Because both Interest and Understanding will be initially higher among people of the same element (quadra).