How to overcome apathy and build inner strength

In one moment, life fell apart.

Mutual grievances and rejection built up in his relationship with his girlfriend. His business partners failed to fulfill their agreements, and Vladlen gradually lost trust in people. A full-scale war broke out. His hometown was occupied, his family lost their home, and his parents lost their business.

Vladlen himself was living in Zaporizhzhia at the time. He felt life was like a sluggish swamp: there was no movement, no strength, and any decision seemed too difficult.

Even the body reacted to the lack of support – my back started to hurt.

At some point, his aunt looked at him and said, “Vladlenchik, I don’t recognize you. Something’s wrong.”

He felt it himself.

In the fall of 2022, Vladlen realized that if he continued living the same way, nothing would change. He began looking for work opportunities abroad and learned about the possibility of moving to Canada.

The decision was terrifying. In Canada, he had no place to live, no familiar surroundings, and no confidence that everything would work out. He had only 6,000 hryvnias in his pocket. Friends could only help him with work, but he had to arrange everything else on his own.

But staying in the same place was even more frightening.

In May 2023, Vladlen flew to Toronto. He and his girlfriend planned for him to first find a job, rent a place, and settle down, and then she would come to him. He felt he had to take responsibility and create the conditions for their future together.

At first, all my energy was spent trying to establish myself in a new country. I needed to figure out where to live, how to earn a living, who to turn to, and how this unfamiliar system worked. I had no parents, no friends, and no one I could turn to for help at any time.

But there was also freedom in this. For the first time, Vladlen felt so clearly that everything now depended on him. Every decision could either bring him closer to a new life or return him to the state from which he was trying to escape.

A month after the move, the girl admitted that she had cheated on him with his friend, whom Vladlen himself had introduced her to.

Not only did the relationship fall apart, but along with it, the vision of the future for which he had strived to establish himself in Canada vanished.

Added to this was another painful thought: he’d been betrayed again by someone he trusted. Previously, his business partners hadn’t fulfilled their agreements. Now, his girlfriend and former friend had hurt him.

He was finally convinced that people couldn’t be trusted. At any moment, they could go back on their word, choose someone else, and leave him alone to deal with the consequences.

To cope with the feeling of uselessness and loneliness, Vladlen turned to work and earning money.

He wanted to prove to everyone that he could handle it, that he was worthy. His income was growing, new acquaintances and opportunities were appearing. On the surface, it seemed like the move had been a good thing. It seemed that if he became even more successful and wealthy, things would become easier and he wouldn’t feel unwanted.

But the proof was wearing him out.

He wasn’t walking toward the life he wanted. He was running from the feeling of not being chosen.

As soon as he stopped, fear and doubt returned. Vladlen was afraid of returning to his previous state, where he’d wake up aimless, scrolling through his feed, and wondering why he was living another day.

A strong mistrust of people, especially women, developed. It was difficult to relax, rely on others, and believe that what had been achieved wouldn’t disappear overnight. Even when my income and daily life improved, a feeling of danger remained.

During this period, Vladlen saw a clip from a friend’s show, “Razbory” (Analysis Show) with Pavel Bilsky. He watched the episode, then began watching other analysis shows and noticing situations in them similar to his own life.

He already understood that habits influence one’s state, but he felt that a regimen alone was not enough to overcome apathy and stop living out of fear.

He needed to understand why similar stories repeated themselves. Why betrayal evoked not just anger or disappointment, but such a profound sense of worthlessness and loneliness.

The decision to take the first stage of “Time of Change” developed gradually. Vladlen continued to watch the analysis sessions and listen to himself. He was terrified of returning to his old life.

Just a week after the start, he felt that he was in the right place.

Waking up early, practicing, and establishing a clear routine gave him a boost of energy. Instead of endlessly pondering what to do, concrete actions emerged. His day began to feel structured again, and Vladlen felt like he was truly making progress.

But he found the main answer later, when he entered the second stage of the “Parents” program.

At first, Vladlen was sure everything was fine with his parents. His mom and dad always supported him. They helped him during crises, didn’t interfere with his decisions, and Vladlen considered his father his best friend.

But during the course, he realized that good relationships now don’t erase childhood grievances. They led him to conclusions that influence his decisions and feelings in adulthood.

A situation came to mind when Vladlen was five years old.

Back then, his parents often left to work. They wanted to build capital, start a business, and give their children a good education. While the adults were away, Vladlen stayed with his grandparents.

One day, the family was traveling to see them, and Vladlen decided that afterward they would all go on together—to visit his aunt in Poltava. The continuation of the journey had already formed in his childish imagination.

But upon his arrival, his mother said plans had changed. His parents were leaving for work, and he was staying with his grandparents.

For adults, this was a necessary decision for the sake of the family. For little Vladlen, it sounded different: I’ve been betrayed, my parents have abandoned me, which means I’m no longer needed.

Along with the feeling of uselessness came a distrust of women. His mother said one thing, but something else happened. He carried this feeling of betrayal over to all his relationships with women, and most importantly, he realized that what he felt for his mother, he also felt for his ex-girlfriend, even though they were different people.